THE VILLAGE IDIOT
OMG WE LOVE YOU
(We really do)
We just want to hug you and introduce you to our mamma in Italy.
Our Mamma always told us "think before you open your mouth'
Obviously these people did not get Mamma's memo!
(Any reference to any person or episode is not accidental, we just don't know their names or we would definitely tell you)
TOP 10 STUPID QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH
Q. Do you guys have a kitchen here?
A. Yes (and you just made it to the top 10)
Q. Where are you from?
A. Italy.
Q. Did you actually live in Italy?
A. I'm Italian, I was born in Italy.
Q. But did you live in Italy?
A. No my family and I took the first flight out of Italy right after I was born and never looked back.
Q. Oh I see.
Q. Can I ask you a stupid question? But I don't want to be posted on your newsletter with the stupid questions of the month.
A. Oh no don't worry that happens only to real idiots.
Q. Can the fettuccine Alfredo with chicken be made vegetarian?
A. (Ok, yes I totally lied! here you are).
Q. Can I order some food to go?
A. Of course, anything you like.
Q. What can I order to go?
A. Anything you like, all our items can be prepared for take out.
Q. Wow! That is amazing!
A. I know! Isn't fantastic?
Q. I'm impressed, this is really extraordinary.
A. Well, we are very proud of it.
Q. I'll take a soup to go if it's ok.
A. That is a tough request but for you, no problem, it will be ready in 2 minutes.
Q. Wow really? That is amazing!
A. I know! Incredible.
Q. It really is. Wow!
( We went on and on for another 10 minutes and finally he left with his soup and he was sooo happy...and we were happy too - we love happy endings.)
Q. Buenos dia amigo! Como esta?
A. Mui bien gracias but we are Italians not Mexicans.
Q. It doesn't matter I speak poquito Italiano.
A. No, you speak poquito Spanish.
Q. You don't understand me? You don't speak Italiano? hah hah!
A. Sei un idiota! Comprende?
Q. Un poquito!
(Looking with anger at our sign that says 'We have no ice, we have no butter')
Q. What kind of place has no ice and no butter?
A. This place.
Q. You really have no ice?
A. No.
Q. Really?
A. Actually we do, we have tons of ice but we love it so much that we want to keep all for ourselves, and we will not share with you. It is our precious.
Q. This is the worst place I have ever been to.
A. But we have the best ice ever!
Q. I came here few months ago when you made the whole roasted pig, how often you do it?
A. Only once a year, the first weekend of every January, to celebrate the new year.
Q. Can I make a reservation for two at 6:30 for that day?
A. We are in June.
Q. I know, but I don't want to miss it.
Q. This place is supposed to be a Wing Stop.
A. Not since 2009.
Q. No way. I come here all the time.
A. If you are one of their best customers, now you know why they went out of business.
(Another chef)
Q. I'm a chef. If you like I can show you how I make fresh pasta.
A. No, but thank you.
Q. Mine is better than yours.
A. We are sure it is great, but no thanks.
Q. You may learn something.
A. We are sure but no thanks.
Q. Your food sucks. I know what real Italian food is.
(Do idiots only come in our place or do other establishments have the same experiences? Please tell us.)
Q. I know you have a sign at the door saying 'No food or beverage allowed from outside' but can we bring our own wine?
A. No
Q. Why?
A. Because your wine falls in the category of beverages and it comes from the outside of this restaurant and anything included in the category of the beverages that come from outside of this restaurant is not allowed in this restaurant.
Q. Your sign should be more clear.
No matter where we are Italy or United States the village idiots
are always with us, some more aggressive than others,
some sweet, some just needing someone to love.
PS. If you think for a moment we made these up, think again!
